Mail order brides have been around for centuries. Their popularity waned and surged throughout the 20th century, but more and more online brides have relocated to the US in the last few decades. International relationships are almost universally accepted in the US, and in 2023 alone, there were at least 20,000 marriages with foreign nationals. 

What is a mail order bride?

The definition of a mail order bride is that of a foreign woman whose introduction to her husband came through the mail. 

Mail order brides appeared as early as the 17th century. The colonies in the New World could not survive without women who weren’t eager to move across the Atlantic. So, women from France, England, and other European countries were recruited (or forced) to relocate and join the colonists. Mail order brides’ popularity soared again in the 19th century when American colonies expanded West. Singles published advertisements in newspapers and started relationships through correspondence before getting married.

The reporters coined the term, but women (or their husbands) never referred to themselves as mail order brides. The term persists in the 21st century, even as the mail order bride meaning changed drastically, thanks to the Internet.

How does the mail order bride system work today?

So, what are mail order brides nowadays? They are single women looking for marriage with foreigners. Instead of traditional mail, they use online dating sites, international matchmaking agencies, and other services to advertise and find potential matches. Modern-day mail order brides rely on texting, chats, and video calls to build relationships before meeting their future husbands in person and getting married.

Technological advancements make finding partners abroad faster and safer, but it’s still important to choose reputable platforms and services that screen members, prevent scams, human trafficking, and other illegal activities.

Why do women become mail-order brides?

No two life stories are alike, but on a grand scale, the most common reasons why women become mail order brides include:

• Financial stability. Women seek a better life abroad because their countries are undergoing economic crises or do not offer a chance of a stable income for women. 
• Reliable partners. Marriage does not necessarily imply husbands’ fidelity in cultures celebrating machismo, leading to disappointment for women. Moreover, many men avoid household chores and responsibilities, leaving women to look for partners to treat them as equals in other countries.
• Exploration of other cultures. Movies and shows paint a desirable picture of the US, European, and other developed countries, enticing women from developing countries to relocate and immerse themselves into the new culture by their new husbands’ sides.
• Freedom from societal pressure. Many cultures expect girls to get married and have their first kids in their teens. Others put so much pressure on young women to succeed, that they push them away in search of freedom to decide for themselves. International marriage lets them escape. 

For most women, the reason to look for partners abroad is a combination of two or more factors, depending on their country of origin, socio-economic standing, and environment.

Why do men choose mail order brides?

Like women, men have different reasons for choosing international dating and marriage. But most resort to seeking mail order brides because they:

• Have a specific type and want to find a partner who matches it. Stereotypes are common for a reason, and finding a curvy caramel-skinned beauty is easier in Latin America than in Asia, where most women are petite, but have dark eyes and hair. National mentalities are also pretty distinct and help gauge the success of long-term relationships. 
• Want serious relationships. Unlike the traditional dating scene, mail order daters are open about their expectations. Most want to date a few months before settling down and starting families. These expectations help move the relationship along faster. 
• Are unhappy with their relationships with local women. Many men consider Western women high-maintenance and impossible to please, more focused on their careers and interests than long-term relationships.
• Wish to find wives with similar values. Mail order brides usually come from conservative societies with traditional gender roles. Women are often happy to be homemakers, letting their husbands take care of earning a living and making big decisions.

Other factors may also affect men’s decision to pursue international relationships. For example, genuine interest in a foreign culture or positive past experiences can inform their choice of a dating destination.

Common misconceptions about mail order brides

Shows like 90 Day Fiance and news headlines ruin foreign brides’ reputations and perpetuate misconceptions about mail order brides. These are all myths:

• “Mail order dating is another name for human trafficking”. You cannot buy a wife on a dating site. Mail order brides are single women who sign up for dating sites of their free will, and men cannot force them into marriage. There’s no exchange of money for women, so it has nothing to do with human trafficking.
• “Mail order brides only care about money”. That may be true for some ladies, but most are genuinely interested in settling down and starting new lives. It’s only natural for women to seek financial security, but it doesn’t automatically make them gold diggers. Besides, many mail order brides are happy to contribute to the family income. 
• “There’s no love in mail order marriages”. No one professes love at first sight of a dating site profile picture (unless they are scammers). Love may take longer to develop in long-distance relationships, but most people aren’t willing to settle for a loveless marriage.

Generalizations and stereotypes don’t do mail order brides justice, so it’s a good time to let them go.

Where do mail order brides come from?

Most mail order brides enter the US using K-1 fiance visas before getting married and settling down. The US issued nearly 20,000 K-1 visas in 2023. Here’s a quick look at the most popular mail order dating destinations and their characteristics:

Country	% of Mail Order Brides	Common Traits	Popularity Among Men From
Philippines	13.7%	Hospitable, modest, courteous, warm, respectful	USA, Canada, Australia
Ukraine	0.7%	Free-spirited, outspoken, proud, resilient, loyal	USA, Germany, UK
Colombia	4.3%	Dignified, optimistic, proud, loyal, easy-going	USA, Spain, Italy
Thailand	1.9%	Respectful, loyal, compassionate, proud, hospitable	USA, Australia, UK
Russia	1.4%	Cautious, protective, generous, strong, interdependent	USA, Germany, France

Please note that the common traits are based on generalized cultural research, and individual representatives of these countries may showcase them to different degrees.  

Regional differences in mail order brides

It helps to understand what makes each of the three popular mail order bride dating regions unique before making the final decision:

• Eastern Europe – Slavic women’s mentality is the closest to American, and they are usually Westernized through exposure to American shows and movies, as well as social media. Most are Christian (usually Orthodox), but not overly religious. Still, they make loyal and patient partners, and they have the easiest time adjusting to their new lives.
• Asia – Asian women often suffer from parental pressure and are disappointed by local men who don’t make the best husbands. They are hard-working, respectful, and welcoming, but they don’t always fit the idea of a silent homemaker. Some Asian women can be loud and commanding, as the oldest female is often the head of the household. 
• Latin America – Many Latinas are boisterous, fiery-tempered, and feminine and invested in looking their best. They are ready to work hard, but their time-keeping is lax at best. At the same time, Latinas know how to have a good time, especially on the dance floor. Tight family ties are crucial for them, so they’ll want to stay in touch even after relocating.

Researching a specific country is highly advisable if you plan to explore international dating in any of these regions.

Are mail order brides legal?

International dating and marriage are legal in most countries, including the US, the EU, Latin American and Asian states, but there are exceptions. For example, most Islamic countries do not allow local women to marry men who aren’t Muslim. The Philippines has an Anti-Mail-Order Spouse Act that prohibits mail order bride-related businesses but doesn’t apply to dating sites or international marriages.

The US lets mail order brides enter the country using K-1 fiance visas. Canada, the UK, and Australia also have family visa options, but requirements differ. In most cases, grooms must provide evidence of a relationship, as well as proof of their ability to support their brides financially.

Legal considerations and ethical concerns

Men who wish to find a bride should be aware of potential risks and concerns and know how to mitigate them:

• Scam risks. Romance scams are getting more common, and everyone should be aware of potential risks and red flags. The most popular scams include sob stories designed to make men wire money to virtual strangers, phishing links, cryptocurrency investment scams, and blackmail using sensitive materials shared online. 
• Exploitation potential. It’s important to use reputable international dating sites, marriage or matchmaking agencies that work under IMBRA and ensure the ladies are protected from exploitation and coercion. 

Staying out of trouble requires research and common sense, but ensuring a safe and comfortable international dating experience is worth the effort.

How much does it cost to marry a mail order bride?

A mail order wife doesn’t come with a price tag, but international dating spending is inevitably higher than dating locally. Here’s a brief overview of the main expenses:

Expense Type	Estimated Cost (USD)	Factors affecting the cost
Dating site memberships	$50 – $300/month	Monthly payments or credit-based membershipActivity levelOnline relationship duration
Gifts & communication	$500 – $2000	Messengers and apps usedGift preferences and budget
Travel expenses	$2000 – $5000	Departure and arrival destinationsTime of year and durationEconomy/business class preferences, etc.
Visa application & fees	$1600 – $2500	Petition for Alien FianceNon-immigrant visa applicationMedical examAdjustment of statusEmployment authorization
Wedding costs	$5,000 – $20,000	Wedding licenseCeremony/receptionNumber of guests, etc.

Although some of these expenditures are non-negotiable (i.e., visa filing fees), others vary depending on many factors. For instance, the wedding can cost you as little as $200 if you opt for a courthouse ceremony and skip the reception. 

Challenges of international marriages

Aside from unique issues specific to every relationship, most international marriages also face the following challenges:

• Language barrier. Although most mail order brides know at least a little English, they usually take extra classes before and after the marriage. Husbands can try to reciprocate their efforts. Communication is key to overcoming the language barrier. The more the couples talk, the better their understanding of each other’s languages becomes. 
• Cultural differences. Adapting to the new norms takes time. It’s helpful to adopt a curious mindset rather than opposing every change. Exploring new things together and blending the customs is the only way to ensure both partners are happy in the long run.
• Legal complications. From applying for a non-immigrant visa to getting an employment authorization, foreign brides may require legal support. If the couples cannot handle the paperwork on their own, hiring an immigration attorney is often the best choice. 
• Long-distance relationships. It takes 6 to 24 months to complete the relocation, and until then the relationships mostly survive on occasional visits, frequent video calls, and cyber dates. Couples must find the right balance between developing a comfortable routine without turning their relationship into a chore.

There are plenty of tips and first-hand accounts of overcoming these and other challenges and not letting them ruin an international relationship.

Final thoughts on mail order brides

Despite the outdated term and poor reputation, mail order brides are still exceedingly popular in the US, and their numbers will continue to grow as American men explore the international dating potential, looking for a girl for marriage, sharing similar values and free from unreasonable expectations. Luckily, international dating sites and marriage agencies make the search faster, easier, and safer than ever. So there’s no excuse not to try mail order bride dating.